My whole family serves in music ministry in various areas of our church. Brian is the band director, I am a substitute worship leader at both our Franklin and Spring Hill campuses, Cooper rotates in High School, Middle School and the main service, and Gatlin is on the worship team for the kid's service -- so any given Sunday we are all spread out over the church. But this past Sunday was Family Worship and Brian, Cooper and Gatlin were all asked to be a part of the main service. I wasn't asked to serve for this service and I was actually quite fine with the idea of sleeping in while the rest of them left the house at 6:45 to be there for the 7:00 a.m. rehearsal.
When I got to the 11:00 service many people asked me why I wasn't up there on the worship team. I said to everyone who asked that I loved the chance to sleep in so I was perfectly ok with it. But as I sat there I realized that it was an ordained event - and it wasn't about sleeping in. The Lord used that service to calm my soul. I stood for worship and was just so aware of the fact that my two kids were on that stage using their gifts and talents to serve the Lord. They love God. They want to serve Him. They are strong in their relationships with their Savior. Peace. I started to believe that I could do it - that I could parent three more precious children and have the opportunity to lead them to a personal relationship with Jesus, too. And, I was convinced that Cooper and Gatlin would help lead and guide them in their Spiritual journey. I realized that it was going to be a good thing for them - a responsibility that I was confident they would rise to. Excel at. Enjoy. Grow from. Whatever it would look like, I was sure that it was going to be ok. We are a team. Calm. From that moment on I've been ok. In fact, I've been more than ok. I'm sure there will be waves of anxiety, but I'm gonna keep thinking back to that Sunday and all that the Lord reminded me. There was something special about it, for sure!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
The Panic Attack
Saturday morning I woke up with my stomach in knots!! I guess it was the equivalent of buyer's remorse for adoption decisions. I just knew that I couldn't breathe and was thinking, "WHAT HAVE I DONE?" I way lying on my bed bawling like a baby, hyperventilating. Seriously, it wasn't pretty. Me and all my "faith talk" were having a serious moment of utter panic. As I was bawling and looking around for a paper bag to breathe in, my sweet son, Cooper, came into my room and laid on the bed beside me. In a nutshell, he said, "Mom, this is fear and it's not from God. We know this is the right thing to do and it's gonna be ok." He stayed in the room with me for almost an hour and just talked it through with me.
Later that day Gatlin got home and was asking me what was wrong - since my eyes were all puffy and it was obvious that I'd been crying. She and I talked it through and she was such a huge encouragement to me. Two things I remember specifically that she said: "Mom, if God wants us to do this then He will provide" and "Mom, I will become a better person because of this." I thought that was precious.
I spent the rest of the day listening to a sermon about adoption that is one of the most powerful sermons I have ever heard. I just played it over and over and over - all day. (If you want to hear it, comment with your email address and I'll email it to you - it's amazing!)
When I went to bed my stomach was still in knots but I wasn't quite as panicked.
Later that day Gatlin got home and was asking me what was wrong - since my eyes were all puffy and it was obvious that I'd been crying. She and I talked it through and she was such a huge encouragement to me. Two things I remember specifically that she said: "Mom, if God wants us to do this then He will provide" and "Mom, I will become a better person because of this." I thought that was precious.
I spent the rest of the day listening to a sermon about adoption that is one of the most powerful sermons I have ever heard. I just played it over and over and over - all day. (If you want to hear it, comment with your email address and I'll email it to you - it's amazing!)
When I went to bed my stomach was still in knots but I wasn't quite as panicked.
It Started With a Coupon Book
God is just really cool - He works things out in amazing ways and it makes for wonderful stories when you begin to connect all the dots. Well, our current adoption journey dots started when my sister's family decided to come to Franklin for their six-month furlough from Thailand. Her two sons play football for Franklin High and her son, Jon Mark, needed to sell coupon books as a fundraiser. Being the very kind, sweet and helpful Aunt that I am, I told him I would help him. I posted on Facebook that I needed to sell a few books and within minutes many friends had responded and offered to buy them. One of those wonderful friends was Beth Krehbiel. She and I decided we'd meet for coffee to make the money/coupon book exchange. We met at Starbucks and she brought her beautiful children with her - four of whom they adopted from Ethiopia two years ago. We were chatting and she reminded me that they had decided to adopt two more Ethiopian beauties - three year old identical twins. She pulled up the web site to show me their pictures (and they are precious) and on that web site were the most adorable seven year old twins. A girl and a boy. Um, let me see them!! (: So, I went home and requested access to the waiting child area on that site. I'm staring at the twins and feeling so drawn to them BUT THEN I saw the fine print that said, "Oh, by the way, there's an 11 year old sister who is being brought to the orphanage and needs to be adopted with them". There was no picture of the older sibling.
Well, I know Brian Green - Brian Green can do one kid, and he can be talked into two...but THREE was not gonna be an option. LOL So, I closed my computer and put it out of my mind. However, an hour later there was a strong nudge urging me to look at the web site again. So I did. And in that hour they had posted a picture of the three of them together!! Wow - she was amazing. Has the coolest hair ever!! They were so joyful - obviously very happy to be together. I decided to ask Brian to pray about it.
Well, that night we had a big fight. Just being honest. Not just me and Brian - but all four of us. Gatlin and I were crying wondering why we couldn't just jump in. Brian was being all practical and Cooper just wanted us to stop being mean to Brian. If we could watch a video of it now, it would be quite funny. We all went to bed frustrated, but Brian promised to pray about it. Tuesday
Ironically, Brian was in rehearsals all week with Steven Curtis Chapman, who he is Music Director/Keyboard player for. They began an extended tour last week -- so it's been a crazy busy time for him. We affectionately call Steven, Captain Adoption -- so it was pretty wild that Brian was there with him all week. They prayed together over our decision. This was Wednesday.
On Thursday morning a friend called me to talk to me about a decision her family was making and she wanted me to pray about it with her. At the end of our thirty minute conversation I told her I was going to send her a picture and that I needed her to pray about our decision to adopt. She knew it had been on my heart for years and it didn't surprise her. But what she said next surprised me. My precious friend told me that she wanted to help us cover the cost of the adoption. She didn't know exactly how much they could do, but it would be significant. I was blown away. I texted Brian at his rehearsal to let him know what had happened. He and Steven prayed harder and were quite aware of the big door that the Lord had just opened.
When Brian came home that night he said that the Lord reminded him that on our two previous adoption attempts we walked in faith and the doors were closed. Brian said that he thought we should walk in faith on this attempt too and trust that if it wasn't meant to be then the Lord would close these doors as well. We agreed that we would trust the Lord for the finances (whatever we still need after the friends' amazing donation...and the day-to-day living expenses) and that these children deserved to have a family to call their own. Thursday night.
Friday morning I called the agency to tell them we were interested in pursuing the adoption of Bemnet, Kalab and Kalkidan.
Well, I know Brian Green - Brian Green can do one kid, and he can be talked into two...but THREE was not gonna be an option. LOL So, I closed my computer and put it out of my mind. However, an hour later there was a strong nudge urging me to look at the web site again. So I did. And in that hour they had posted a picture of the three of them together!! Wow - she was amazing. Has the coolest hair ever!! They were so joyful - obviously very happy to be together. I decided to ask Brian to pray about it.
Well, that night we had a big fight. Just being honest. Not just me and Brian - but all four of us. Gatlin and I were crying wondering why we couldn't just jump in. Brian was being all practical and Cooper just wanted us to stop being mean to Brian. If we could watch a video of it now, it would be quite funny. We all went to bed frustrated, but Brian promised to pray about it. Tuesday
Ironically, Brian was in rehearsals all week with Steven Curtis Chapman, who he is Music Director/Keyboard player for. They began an extended tour last week -- so it's been a crazy busy time for him. We affectionately call Steven, Captain Adoption -- so it was pretty wild that Brian was there with him all week. They prayed together over our decision. This was Wednesday.
On Thursday morning a friend called me to talk to me about a decision her family was making and she wanted me to pray about it with her. At the end of our thirty minute conversation I told her I was going to send her a picture and that I needed her to pray about our decision to adopt. She knew it had been on my heart for years and it didn't surprise her. But what she said next surprised me. My precious friend told me that she wanted to help us cover the cost of the adoption. She didn't know exactly how much they could do, but it would be significant. I was blown away. I texted Brian at his rehearsal to let him know what had happened. He and Steven prayed harder and were quite aware of the big door that the Lord had just opened.
When Brian came home that night he said that the Lord reminded him that on our two previous adoption attempts we walked in faith and the doors were closed. Brian said that he thought we should walk in faith on this attempt too and trust that if it wasn't meant to be then the Lord would close these doors as well. We agreed that we would trust the Lord for the finances (whatever we still need after the friends' amazing donation...and the day-to-day living expenses) and that these children deserved to have a family to call their own. Thursday night.
Friday morning I called the agency to tell them we were interested in pursuing the adoption of Bemnet, Kalab and Kalkidan.
Just In Case You Were Wondering
For as long as I can remember I've had a heart for adoption. I told Brian early on in our marriage that he needed to be open to adoption - if the Lord happened to drop some orphans in our lap. Well, cut to 2007 when Gatlin began increasing the begging to add children to our family so that she could have a younger sibling. That begging started the process of Brian and I seriously talking about it and we decided to pursue adoption through Vietnam. My sister's family lived there as missionaries and we thought that would be a wonderful country to adopt from because of that connection. We filled out all the paper work and completed the home study and waited for our referral. We were next on the agency's list when the government shut down the adoptions from Vietnam. We were bummed.
Shortly thereafter somebody forwarded me a "Waiting Child" email and I was strongly drawn to a 9-year-old boy from Russia on the list. Our family decided he was meant to be with us and we started the process again. We had to start over because Russia requires more than Vietnam. After doing all the paper work and another home study we waited for the phone call telling us we could go meet him. However, when the call came it was to tell us that a Russian family had decided to take him into foster care. Two doors closed.
At that point we decided that we needed a break from paper work and home studies so we just did our thing and didn't pursue any other adoptions -- until NOW.
Shortly thereafter somebody forwarded me a "Waiting Child" email and I was strongly drawn to a 9-year-old boy from Russia on the list. Our family decided he was meant to be with us and we started the process again. We had to start over because Russia requires more than Vietnam. After doing all the paper work and another home study we waited for the phone call telling us we could go meet him. However, when the call came it was to tell us that a Russian family had decided to take him into foster care. Two doors closed.
At that point we decided that we needed a break from paper work and home studies so we just did our thing and didn't pursue any other adoptions -- until NOW.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)